HUMOR Thread!!!

AKA Bar and Grill - General Discussion of any topics, does not need to be related to metal trading.
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oswarped
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HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Mon Dec 20, 2010

How about a humor thread?
Here is a start http://sendables.jibjab.com/originals/so_long_to_ya_2010

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GoldGoldandGold
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Location: Bay Area

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby GoldGoldandGold » Mon Dec 20, 2010

I do accept free gold

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oswarped
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Mon Dec 20, 2010

http://whitetrashrepairs.com/

A place to get a difficult repair idea! :o

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oswarped
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Mon Dec 20, 2010

http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
Hope no one finds a pic of himself! ;)

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oswarped
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Wed Dec 22, 2010

People of all faiths need to remember these Four Great Religious Truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Christ as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.
4. Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters or the Liquor store

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Storm Drifter
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby Storm Drifter » Wed Dec 22, 2010

How about darwinawards.com

Storm Drifter

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oswarped
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Fri Dec 24, 2010


silvermotor
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Location: South Florida

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby silvermotor » Fri Dec 24, 2010

JP Morgue manipulation - part 2

http://www.youtube.com/user/MrSilvergoldsilver

SM
Three cheers for BS where we pile it higher and deeper!- Bring the Gold

silvermotor
Posts: 480
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009
Location: South Florida

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby silvermotor » Tue Dec 28, 2010

http://www.minyanville.com/dailyfeed/ho ... from=yahoo

How One eBay User Got an Uncooperative Buyer to Pay Up
By Mike Schuster
December 15, 2010 12:11 PM
TRIPPING THE GRIFT
Image

When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be a con man. Having watched The Sting and Harry Anderson's appearances on Cheers, I just locked on to the allure of the grift and wanted to pull off my own cons. I bought books, practiced some sleight of hand, and studied bar bets over a decade before I could legally set foot in one.

Ultimately, I never went beyond scamming a friend out of baseball cards after mastering the perfect flip. Way too scared -- which is probably a smart trade for a clean arrest record.

But it doesn't keep me from living vicariously through films like Ocean's Eleven, The Hustler, or in this case, a fantastic story about an eBay auction made right.

Reddit user BadgerMatt related a tale about how a buyer backed out of paying $600 for a sporting event. Here's what went down (edited for content):

I had tickets to a sporting event and couldn't attend. I made a 1-day listing and clearly stated that the tickets must be picked up in person within 24 hours (the game was the evening after the auction ended, so there wasn't any time to ship the tickets). A woman won the auction for about $600. The auction had ended at 10:00am and by 5:00pm she still hadn't responded to my emails trying to organize the exchange. Finally, at 9:30pm, I got a one-liner email: "I overbid and my husband won't let me buy these. Sorry and enjoy the game! :)"

I first tried explaining that I wouldn't have the time to resell the tickets (I already got turned down by the losing bidders). She said, "... that's not my problem. It's eBay, not a car dealership. I can back out if I want." I still don't understand the car dealership reference.

I was pretty upset. I was basically going to be stuck with tickets to an event that I couldn't attend. That's when I got the idea to convince her to change her mind.

I created a new eBay account, "Payback" we'll call it, and sent her a message: "Hi there, I noticed you won an auction for 4 [sporting event] tickets. I meant to bid on these but couldn't get to a computer. I wanted to take my son and dad and would be willing to give you $1,000 for the tickets. I imagine that you've already made plans to attend, but I figured it was worth a shot."

At 11:30pm she responded to Payback: "I'll do it for $1,100, no less. I can meet you at the game if you agree. I need your phone number."

At 11:35pm, Payback wrote: "Deal. Here is my number..." (Thanks Google Voice for the throwaway number). She called a few minutes later and made Payback "promise" to go through with the deal. She emphasized that she'd be out a lot of money if Payback backed out. Payback swore he would never do such a thing.

At 11:45pm, the woman emailed me: "Fine. I'll buy them. But you have to drop them off at my house tonight. I'll have the cash ready." So at f***ing midnight I drove to her house across town and met her on the road in front of her apartment building. She was a nasty and rude individual. Things didn't get any better when I told her I wanted an extra $20 for the trouble of driving there at midnight (yeah, pushing my luck, I know). It became very awkward and she literally threw 31 $20 bills at me. I counted them before handing over the tickets. I said, "thanks for the great transaction" as she flipped me off while walking away.

At 10:00am she called Payback to make sure they were still on for the exchange. Payback said that he could no longer go to the game and wouldn't be able to do the exchange. She blew her f***ing top and I swear to god started speaking in tongues. Payback said, "Ma'am, this is eBay, not a car dealership" and hung up.

I got a rabid email 10 minutes later telling me that I was going to hell and that she's reported me to the local police, FBI, and... the fire department. WTF?


For those interested, BadgerMatt used a technique known as the Glim-Dropper, but to reach a fair and legal end. Minyanville doesn't endorse conning people out of money, but man, it must feel great when it actually makes things right.
Three cheers for BS where we pile it higher and deeper!- Bring the Gold

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farnorthdan
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby farnorthdan » Tue Dec 28, 2010

silvermotor wrote:http://www.minyanville.com/dailyfeed/how-one-ebay-user-got/?camp=syndication&medium=portals&from=yahoo

How One eBay User Got an Uncooperative Buyer to Pay Up
By Mike Schuster
December 15, 2010 12:11 PM
TRIPPING THE GRIFT
Image

When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be a con man. Having watched The Sting and Harry Anderson's appearances on Cheers, I just locked on to the allure of the grift and wanted to pull off my own cons. I bought books, practiced some sleight of hand, and studied bar bets over a decade before I could legally set foot in one.

Ultimately, I never went beyond scamming a friend out of baseball cards after mastering the perfect flip. Way too scared -- which is probably a smart trade for a clean arrest record.

But it doesn't keep me from living vicariously through films like Ocean's Eleven, The Hustler, or in this case, a fantastic story about an eBay auction made right.

Reddit user BadgerMatt related a tale about how a buyer backed out of paying $600 for a sporting event. Here's what went down (edited for content):

I had tickets to a sporting event and couldn't attend. I made a 1-day listing and clearly stated that the tickets must be picked up in person within 24 hours (the game was the evening after the auction ended, so there wasn't any time to ship the tickets). A woman won the auction for about $600. The auction had ended at 10:00am and by 5:00pm she still hadn't responded to my emails trying to organize the exchange. Finally, at 9:30pm, I got a one-liner email: "I overbid and my husband won't let me buy these. Sorry and enjoy the game! :)"

I first tried explaining that I wouldn't have the time to resell the tickets (I already got turned down by the losing bidders). She said, "... that's not my problem. It's eBay, not a car dealership. I can back out if I want." I still don't understand the car dealership reference.

I was pretty upset. I was basically going to be stuck with tickets to an event that I couldn't attend. That's when I got the idea to convince her to change her mind.

I created a new eBay account, "Payback" we'll call it, and sent her a message: "Hi there, I noticed you won an auction for 4 [sporting event] tickets. I meant to bid on these but couldn't get to a computer. I wanted to take my son and dad and would be willing to give you $1,000 for the tickets. I imagine that you've already made plans to attend, but I figured it was worth a shot."

At 11:30pm she responded to Payback: "I'll do it for $1,100, no less. I can meet you at the game if you agree. I need your phone number."

At 11:35pm, Payback wrote: "Deal. Here is my number..." (Thanks Google Voice for the throwaway number). She called a few minutes later and made Payback "promise" to go through with the deal. She emphasized that she'd be out a lot of money if Payback backed out. Payback swore he would never do such a thing.

At 11:45pm, the woman emailed me: "Fine. I'll buy them. But you have to drop them off at my house tonight. I'll have the cash ready." So at f***ing midnight I drove to her house across town and met her on the road in front of her apartment building. She was a nasty and rude individual. Things didn't get any better when I told her I wanted an extra $20 for the trouble of driving there at midnight (yeah, pushing my luck, I know). It became very awkward and she literally threw 31 $20 bills at me. I counted them before handing over the tickets. I said, "thanks for the great transaction" as she flipped me off while walking away.

At 10:00am she called Payback to make sure they were still on for the exchange. Payback said that he could no longer go to the game and wouldn't be able to do the exchange. She blew her f***ing top and I swear to god started speaking in tongues. Payback said, "Ma'am, this is eBay, not a car dealership" and hung up.

I got a rabid email 10 minutes later telling me that I was going to hell and that she's reported me to the local police, FBI, and... the fire department. WTF?


For those interested, BadgerMatt used a technique known as the Glim-Dropper, but to reach a fair and legal end. Minyanville doesn't endorse conning people out of money, but man, it must feel great when it actually makes things right.

Man thats some funny shtuff right there..........



Dan
"If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish ignorant leaders" G. Carlin
ImageImageImage

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oswarped
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Thu Dec 30, 2010

Recently, when
I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you
could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.

I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the
teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.

'We only have six, nine, or
twelve,' was the reply.

'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'

'That's right.'

So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(must have been the same one I asked for sweetener and she said they didn't have any, only splenda and sugar.)


I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items
and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they
wouldn't get mixed.

After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the
'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.

Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this
is?'

I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'

She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.

She had no clue to what had just happened.

A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly.

When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number,
so she was using the ATM 'thingy.'

(keep
shuddering!!)

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.

'Do you need some help?' I asked.

She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I
can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would
have a battery to fit this?'

'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.

'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, replied, 'Why don't you drive over there and
check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'


Several years ago,
we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.

Brunette, by the
way!!

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the
kid some Benadryl and he should be fine, the mother says, 'I just gave him some ant
killer......'

Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to
emergency!'


Perks of reaching
50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

02.. In a
hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

03. No
one expects you to run--anywhere.

04. People
call at 9 PM and ask,"did I wake you?"

05.
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

06. There
is nothing left to learn the hard way.

07.
Things you buy now won't wear out.

08. You
can eat supper at 4 PM.

09.
You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You
get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You
no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather
service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them
either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

Never, under any circumstances,
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

silvermotor
Posts: 480
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009
Location: South Florida

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby silvermotor » Mon Jan 03, 2011

https://marketforceanalysis.com/article ... 23110.html

AND THE 2010 WINNER IS………
By Adrian Douglas


As 2010 winds down it is time to announce the runners-up and the winner of the coveted “Moron of the Year” (MOTY) Award.
Three cheers for BS where we pile it higher and deeper!- Bring the Gold

silvermotor
Posts: 480
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2009
Location: South Florida

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby silvermotor » Mon Jan 10, 2011

Silver Manipulation Explained - Part 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AId_UiPtPpQ

SM
Three cheers for BS where we pile it higher and deeper!- Bring the Gold

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skylersfriend
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Posts: 3265
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Location: THE MOON!!!

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby skylersfriend » Tue Feb 01, 2011

The Polite Way to Call Someone a Bastard


A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms.

The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.

The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The Priest said,
"You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you.. You keep your winnings."

The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"

The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation......



And, if you want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them.


:lol: :lol:
Don't think of me as a cynic; I am an optimist with experience!
Image


“In finance, everything that is agreeable is unsound and everything that is sound is disagreeable.” Winston Churchill

The year 2017: Where words and ideas are considered too hateful to be said,
while riots and assault are considered too peaceful to be prosecuted.

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oswarped
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Location: Montana

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Sun Feb 06, 2011

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, ' Well, I ' m off now. The man should be here soon. '

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. ' Good morning, Ma ' am ' , he said, ' I ' ve come to... '

'Oh, no need to explain, ' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, ' I ' ve been expecting you. '

'Have you really? ' said the photographer. ' Well, that ' s good. Did you know babies are my specialty? '

'Well that ' s what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, ' Well, where do we start? '

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. '

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn ' t work out for Harry and me! '

'Well, Ma ' am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I ' m sure you ' ll be pleased with the results. '

'My, that ' s a lot! ' , gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma ' am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I ' d love to be In and out in five minutes, but I ' m sure you ' d be disappointed with that. '

'Don ' t I know it, ' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. ' This was done on the top of a bus, ' he said.

'Oh, my God! ' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with. '

'She was difficult? ' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I ' m afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look '

'Four and five deep? ' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes ' , the photographer replied. ' And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in. '

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ' Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment? '

'It ' s true, Ma ' am, yes.. Well, if you ' re ready, I ' ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away. '

'Tripod? '

'Oh yes, Ma ' am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It ' s much too big to be held in the hand very long. '
Mrs. Smith fainted

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oswarped
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Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009
Location: Montana

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Mon Feb 07, 2011

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.

"Charlie, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."

''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though your coming in late.
I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

''They said, "Good morning Admiral, can I get your coffee, sir?'''

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skylersfriend
Turtle Jester
Posts: 3265
Joined: Sat Mar 20, 2010
Location: THE MOON!!!

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby skylersfriend » Tue Feb 08, 2011

The Best Duck Joke Ever

A duck walks in to a bar and orders beer and ham sammich.

The barman looks at him and says,

"Hang on!

You're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the

duck.

"And you can talk!" Exclaims the barman.

"I see your

ears are working, too," Says the duck.


"Now if you don't mind,

can I have my beer and my sammich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about

that," says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint.


"It's just

we don't get many ducks in this pub.. What are you doing round this

way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains

the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman cannot

believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck

pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the

duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sammich, bids the barman

good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two

weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster

comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to

him:



"You're with the

circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in

your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sammiches, reads the newspaper

and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous," says the ringmaster, handing

over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next

day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says,


"Hey Mr.

Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good

money."

"I'm always looking for the next job," says the duck.

"Where is it?"

"At the circus," says the barman.

"The

circus?"


Repeats the duck.

"That's right," replies the

barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks

again.



"With the big

tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals

who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the

duck.

"
"And the tent has

canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists

the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes

his head in amazement, and says.........


"What the heck would they want with a

plasterer??!"
Don't think of me as a cynic; I am an optimist with experience!
Image


“In finance, everything that is agreeable is unsound and everything that is sound is disagreeable.” Winston Churchill

The year 2017: Where words and ideas are considered too hateful to be said,
while riots and assault are considered too peaceful to be prosecuted.

User avatar
oswarped
Posts: 518
Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009
Location: Montana

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby oswarped » Tue Feb 15, 2011

How the Internet started

A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM):

Well, you might havethought that you knew how the Internet started,
but here's the TRUE

story ....

In ancient Israel , it came to pass that a trader by the name
of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of
Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg.
Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far
from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever
leaving thy tent?"

And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle
bags short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?"
And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in
between to send messages saying what you have for
sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price.

And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's
Pony Stable (UPS)."Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with
the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success.
Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having
to move from his tent.

To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums
were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew.
It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed
a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP)
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secret hide
himself inside the tent of Abraham and drum and began to siphon off some
of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and
prosecuted for insider trading.

And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy
horsefly take to camel dung.
They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites,
0r NERDS.

And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the
deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches
were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of
Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums
to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and
drumsticks.

And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being
taken over by others."

And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to
be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.

Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated
Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside.
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything

(GOOGLE)

And that is how it all began.

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Silver Addict
Dunce
Posts: 17002
Joined: Sun Jul 12, 2009
Contact:

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby Silver Addict » Tue Feb 15, 2011

kinda blows the theory that Al Gore created the internet out of the water.

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Silvertongue
Posts: 665
Joined: Wed Jul 29, 2009
Location: Brigham City, Utah

Re: HUMOR Thread!!!

Postby Silvertongue » Fri Feb 18, 2011

In the middle of her first semester away at college, the young coed called home. Her father answered the phone.
"Your cat is dead," He told his daughter.
"Oh my gosh," she said as she burst into tears over the phone.
"I'm sorry, baby," her dad said, "It was..."
"How could you do that?!" She interrupted her father.
"Do what?" he asked in genuine surprise.
"How could you tell me something like that so ... so... Daddy, you're insensitive!"
"I'm sorry, honey," he said softly, "I didn't know how to break it to you, I admit."
"Well," the daughter said through sniffles, "You could have broken the news more gently. You could have told me this week that fluffy was stuck on the roof."
"How would that help?" the father asked.
"Well, next week you could tell me she is still stuck on the roof and you cannot get her down. Then in another week, you could tell me she looked very weak. It would get me used to the possibility of losing her. Then you could tell me she had died. I'd be prepared."
"Okay," the father said softly. "I'm sorry, honey. You know I love you and would not want to hurt you."
"Yes, I know," the daughter sighed. "I'm sorry, Daddy. I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings. I'll get over it. Is there any other news?"
"Well," the father began slowly, thoughtfully, "Your grandma is stuck up on the roof..."


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