HUMOR Thread!!!

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[Diggin4copper]

Apparently this is funny, cause Mrs Diggin and my son are rolling on the floor...
I heard my son talking last night about going out today with his buddies..I thought he was talking about breakfast, I was up early, so I surprised him with “Waking Bacon” or that’s what I thought he said...

[iron-pyrite]

Apparently this is funny, cause Mrs Diggin and my son are rolling on the floor...
I heard my son talking last night about going out today with his buddies..I thought he was talking about breakfast, I was up early, so I surprised him with “Waking Bacon” or that’s what I thought he said...

Well bacon would definitely be awesome for some morning munchies!!

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[MaxGravy]

[MaxGravy]

[agnostic]

From lawyers to bankers....
Just think all the "Lawyer jokes" that will be hysterically funny again...



Q: What do dinosaurs and decent bankers have in common?
A: They're both extinct.

Q: What do you call 25 bankers buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.

Q: What do you call 25 skydiving bankers?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you call a banker gone bad.
A: Senator.

Q: What do you throw to a drowning banker?
A: His partners.

Q: What does a banker get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller

Q: What's the difference between a banker and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.

Q: What's the difference between a banker and a vulture?
A: The banker gets frequent flyer miles.

Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a banker?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before bankers?
A: To practice.

Q: What's the difference between a banker and a herd of buffalo?
A: The banker charges more.

Q: What's the difference between a tick and a banker?
A: The tick falls off when you are dead.

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a banker?
A: I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.

Q: Know how copper wire was invented?
A: Two bankers were fighting over a penny.

Q: Why do banks prohibit sex between bankers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a banker should?
A: Stick his bill up his azz.

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[skylersfriend]

The Old Jewish Catskill Comics of Vaudeville Days







* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.



* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."



* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.



* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!



* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"



* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.


* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.



* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.



* My wife and I went to hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.



* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.



* I was just in London -- there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.



* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.



* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"



* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"



* A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"



* Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?"



* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"



* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."



* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"



* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.



* Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.



* I wish my brother would learn a trade so I would know what kind of work he's out of.

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[justoneguy]

particapation.png (134.52 KiB) Viewed 1318 times

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[skylersfriend]

Larson!

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