
HUMOR Thread!!!
- tdtwedt
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- tdtwedt
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- tdtwedt
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- tdtwedt
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- tdtwedt
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- Diggin4copper
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!
Apparently this is funny, cause Mrs Diggin and my son are rolling on the floor...
I heard my son talking last night about going out today with his buddies..I thought he was talking about breakfast, I was up early, so I surprised him with “Waking Bacon” or that’s what I thought he said...
I heard my son talking last night about going out today with his buddies..I thought he was talking about breakfast, I was up early, so I surprised him with “Waking Bacon” or that’s what I thought he said...
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Outstanding!
- iron-pyrite
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!
Diggin4copper wrote:Apparently this is funny, cause Mrs Diggin and my son are rolling on the floor...
I heard my son talking last night about going out today with his buddies..I thought he was talking about breakfast, I was up early, so I surprised him with “Waking Bacon” or that’s what I thought he said...
Well bacon would definitely be awesome for some morning munchies!!



- tdtwedt
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- MaxGravy
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- agnostic
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!
From lawyers to bankers....
Just think all the "Lawyer jokes" that will be hysterically funny again...
Q: What do dinosaurs and decent bankers have in common?
A: They're both extinct.
Q: What do you call 25 bankers buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving bankers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a banker gone bad.
A: Senator.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning banker?
A: His partners.
Q: What does a banker get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller
Q: What's the difference between a banker and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
Q: What's the difference between a banker and a vulture?
A: The banker gets frequent flyer miles.
Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a banker?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before bankers?
A: To practice.
Q: What's the difference between a banker and a herd of buffalo?
A: The banker charges more.
Q: What's the difference between a tick and a banker?
A: The tick falls off when you are dead.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a banker?
A: I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: Know how copper wire was invented?
A: Two bankers were fighting over a penny.
Q: Why do banks prohibit sex between bankers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a banker should?
A: Stick his bill up his azz.
.
.
.
.
Just think all the "Lawyer jokes" that will be hysterically funny again...
Q: What do dinosaurs and decent bankers have in common?
A: They're both extinct.
Q: What do you call 25 bankers buried up to their chins in cement?
A: Not enough cement.
Q: What do you call 25 skydiving bankers?
A: Skeet.
Q: What do you call a banker gone bad.
A: Senator.
Q: What do you throw to a drowning banker?
A: His partners.
Q: What does a banker get when you give him Viagra?
A: Taller
Q: What's the difference between a banker and a prostitute?
A: A prostitute will stop screwing you when you're dead.
Q: What's the difference between a banker and a vulture?
A: The banker gets frequent flyer miles.
Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a banker?
A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before bankers?
A: To practice.
Q: What's the difference between a banker and a herd of buffalo?
A: The banker charges more.
Q: What's the difference between a tick and a banker?
A: The tick falls off when you are dead.
Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a banker?
A: I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
Q: Know how copper wire was invented?
A: Two bankers were fighting over a penny.
Q: Why do banks prohibit sex between bankers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a banker should?
A: Stick his bill up his azz.
.
.
.
.
Risk is the price that you never thought you'd have to pay.
I refuse to embrace schizophrenia as a survival mechanism.
I refuse to embrace schizophrenia as a survival mechanism.
- tdtwedt
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- skylersfriend
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!
The Old Jewish Catskill Comics of Vaudeville Days
* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* I was just in London -- there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
* Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
* I wish my brother would learn a trade so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
* There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
* I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
* My wife and I went to hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.
* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
* I was just in London -- there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
* The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
* Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
* A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"
* Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way. A little wine, a little dinner, you know?"
* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
* A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
* A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10 till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?" The bum said, "I don't know! You're the one that's working!"
* Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
* Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
* I wish my brother would learn a trade so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
"Life is trouble. Only death is not. To be alive is to undo your belt and *look* for trouble."
"The human soul is heavy, clumsy, held in the mud of the flesh. Its perceptions are still coarse and brutish. It can divine nothing clearly, nothing with certainty"
- Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis
- tdtwedt
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- tdtwedt
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- Joined: Sat Nov 01, 2014
- Location: South Mississippi
- tdtwedt
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- skylersfriend
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Re: HUMOR Thread!!!
Larson!
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"Life is trouble. Only death is not. To be alive is to undo your belt and *look* for trouble."
"The human soul is heavy, clumsy, held in the mud of the flesh. Its perceptions are still coarse and brutish. It can divine nothing clearly, nothing with certainty"
- Zorba the Greek, Nikos Kazantzakis
- tdtwedt
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- Joined: Sat Nov 01, 2014
- Location: South Mississippi
- tdtwedt
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- Joined: Sat Nov 01, 2014
- Location: South Mississippi
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